From the Cell to Christ: Testimony One

          I was sexually molested when I was 15 years old. The molestation left me feeling like I had done something bad. I could not understand why people I trusted—a doctor, a lawyer and a minister—would do anything like that. I figured people in authority had the right to do what they did.

It took me a long time to trust men, and I thought that entering the military would ease the pain of the molestation. But it was not meant to be. I was introduced to pornographic material in the military. It had a definite impact on my way of thinking.

I was stationed near Washington, D.C., where I visited adult book stores, saw pornographic movies and watched strippers. Although I was a Christian, I was drawn deeper and deeper into pornography.

I felt that it was wrong to view pornographic images, but thinking about the men who molested me made it seem normal. I began the slow path to sexual addiction.
Because I was molested by older men, my sexual addiction was focused on girls and younger women. I watched x-rated movies and read erotic books, which fed my sexual desires. I knew God would have to stop what I was doing and that my actions were not pleasing to Him.

I was so attracted to pornography that my thoughts revolved around the young girls I met at work. I eventually took a job working for a school system, which increased my appetite for pornography.

God spoke to me in many ways. Once He stopped me from boarding a plane that crashed on take-off, killing all on board. But at the time, I didn’t believe that God actually saved my life.

I continued my sexual fantasies long after I was married, until God finally put a stop to what I was doing. In August 1998 I was arrested for talking to a young girl. Even though I didn’t do anything to her, the fact I made a sexual remark brought in the law.

My arrest was the best thing that ever happened to me. I spent 92 days in jail. God provided an opening and I was put into the Life Learning cell block with nine other Christian men.

After my arrest, I stayed away from pornography. I knew people were watching me. I was afraid of what would happen if they caught me.

When I was in the Life Learning block many people visited who at one time or another were involved in some sort of sexual addiction. Their testimonies made me realize that only God could break my bondage.

A minister came into our cell block every Monday and taught us from Romans. That convinced me that what I was doing was wrong.

On my release I began working with a Christian counselor. One day after leaving his office I said, “Lord, I can’t go on like this.” I asked the Lord to reconcile me to Him. God took the load of sexual addiction and pornography off my shoulders. That was the day I knew I was free.

Today I look for opportunities to share my testimony. I want other men to know what can happen and that God can break the grip of sexual addiction.
Anonymous

Rescued from Satan’s Clutch: Testimony Two

I cannot explain how it began, but I found myself viewing pornography on the Internet. A little was not enough. At the same time I knew without a doubt that it was wrong. I made no excuses. I wanted to stop, yet I found myself going back again and again. My self-discipline went down the drain, and no amount of resolve worked.

The pornographic images flooded my mind even when I was not in front of the computer. I continued to visit the forbidden sites, despite ongoing repentance and prayer for discipline.

The cycle repeated itself many times: inappropriate behavior, repentance and prayer. The threat of being discovered was not enough to strengthen my determination to stop. I realized I was addicted to pornography, but I felt powerless over my behavior.
I began to notice that I looked at women differently. It terrified me that I couldn’t make a distinction between the women I saw on the screen and the women around me. At the time I was confident I would not act on my fantasies. Yet I wondered, how long would it be before I did?

I was desperate. I was in agony and felt totally helpless. Nothing worked until finally, I got serious with the Lord. I told Him that my behavior was not glorifying Him and it was undermining my testimony—I needed help!

Several days after my prayer, I realized that I had not visited a single pornographic site. I was set free! I was astounded! I praised the Lord that He had closed the door on my addiction.

I use the Internet daily in my work. I am aware that pornography is only a click away, but the Lord has constrained me. I have learned the warning signs. When I am tired, emotionally drained and lonely, the “old me” is more than ready to return. But I know that through the power of the Holy Spirit, Satan is held at bay.
Anonymous

A Restored Life: Testimony Three

I was normal just like every other boy sneaking down into the basement of my friend’s house to look at his father’s Playboy collection.  I loved being normal when the swim coach ask me if I wanted to look at that month’s Penthouse with him.  I thought I was normal when someone asked me go into a Private Room while on the internet and started “talking” to me.   Wanting to be normal and having an addictive personality each of the above activities lead me further into my desire to be addicted to pornography.

Sneaking over to my friend’s house was not enough.  The newspaper lingerie adds, Sports Illustrated and especially my job as teenage lifeguard all filled my desire to lust to certain point.   But the desire kept drawing me further, it was not enough.  Even though I would pray Lord forgive me every morning, I would fall asleep reading my favorite magazine that I had stolen, because I was too embarrassed to buy it.

The desire to want more as a young teenage boy allowed me to be caught up in sexual abuse that, at that time, I thought I was normal.  The swim coach showing me magazines and then wanting to do “things” with me in the shower or in his “special place” in the basement of the local recreational center.  Thinking I was normal I continued with this behavior.  Being normal also meant asking God to forgive me for actions that were wrong.

One day while at the firehouse, a young firefighter asked me if I had ever chatted online before.  Innocently telling him no I ventured into a realm of pornography so easy, so normal and yet so destructive.  After asking some private questions in a private room while chatting and clicking-on an appealing Internet site, I spent the next several years being “normal” while on-line.  Once again, wanting to be normal.  I asked God to forgive and strengthen me each morning during my quiet time and go back that night and chat.

Then it happened, I was more normal than before: divorced and alone.  God why don’t you do anything?  Being alone and obvious looking upset and distraught an acquaintance of mine suggested I go talk to their pastor.  The church I was attending had basically abandoned me to my sin and during the separation/divorce no one contacted me.  Then God allowed me to come into contact with this man of integrity and we just had breakfast and talked.  For the next several months we met every week and had breakfast, I mostly talked and thank God he mostly listened and prayed.  Somewhere in there God instilled in me the desire to say no, while the exact moment of change is unknown to me I know that I am changed.  I started looking at women different.  My desire to lust and disappear into my fantasies was not an ongoing problem that occurred everyday like in the past.  While lust is still a temptation, I have the power to put away the temptation before it becomes sin.  During this time frame I desired to help me in the same situation I was in, never will a man in pain and alone be in that position again around me.  I saw a man that invested time and energy in my life and decided that I would do for the rest of my life.  That has become my addiction that God does heal and he does love us.

Several years later I remarried and have been blessed with another little girl.  I have reconciled with my other girls and they visit quite often.  I really overcame and really became normal.  Thank you Lord.  God does restore what the locust had eaten.
Anonymous